Okay, so not only has it been a long time since I posted a new show, it's also been a while since I posted a new blog. It seems like so much has changed, but I think in reality - not much really has. I'm still working a job that's questionable sometimes on how much I actually enjoy it, I'm still trying hard to avoid my mother and other people in my life that I don't want to deal with, still trying to drop weight via Weight Watchers and oh yeah - still sleeping with a man whose engaged. Life of a fucking party, yes no?

I truly hope that others are doing much better then I am, or at least know in which direction they are heading. Because Lord know's I don't! Currently I'm working on getting ready to head to Chicago for a few days and to say that I'm scared shitless - is putting it mildly! Partly because I haven't flown in SO LONG and partly because I've never been away from the baby before. Yes, he's gone to the shore with his grandparents before, but I've always been at home, a short drive away. This time - I'm going away from him and it scares me. Plus I haven't flown since 1992!

Today's been interesting because I've finally started watching Tru Blood - problem is, the first nine shows go off of HBO On Demand by Monday. I have at least 5 more shows I need to watch before then and then I realized the other shows go off On Demand on the 22nd and I won't be in town next weekend. So I have A LOT of shows to watch! But currently I have Whale Wars on just because I needed something else on the tv for a short bit. Thankfully - I have nothing else planned besides on the next break I take - I might record... Keyword - MIGHT! Though I find it funny - I'd expect on Tru Blood the opening song to be the one that's the opening song for Whale Wars (something about "the world is a vampire"...?) But who knows. I'm just glad my homework is done and I have to start working on this coming weeks' work. Ugh!

Until next time, please take care and I'll try not to wait 4 months til my next post!

Only I would...

...try to figure out how to fix my taxes at 2am when I have migraine from throwing up this morning (proof why I could NEVER be bulimic - I can't STAND puking - I do it like once every year or so), not getting as much sleep as I should, I put my contacts in and realized the one had a small piece "cut out" of it so it bothered me ALL day, a bunch of other random shit and so in my mind - yeah - this seems like a GREAT TIME to try to fix them! Doesn't help matters that I have three different forms from the mortgage companies that are driving me BONKERS! I started the year with one company, then got "sold" to another company under the same umbrella main corporation, and then I refinanced the mortgage in July with the same company... And let's NOT get me started on trying to figure out how to report the lost wages I received from my Union when I had to take Leave Without Pay and then the Union paid me for it... I guess I'm going have to buckle down, print off the stupid forms and go into a local IRS office... Like THAT'S not going to take FOREVER!

Oh and let's not forget that "today" was effing Valentines Day! AUCK!!!!!

But on the upside - I went to my local pawn shop Friday night with Cupcake (was looking for a possible "new" phone for her) and while I was hitting on the one guy there, the other guys' son was there - hitting on Cupcake! The two of them exchange numbers, and "my guy" tells me to come back and see him tomorrow/today. So we go back today and he gives me his number (I also give him a small box of chocolates and a little stuffed dog) and tells me to call him. But I'm scared - it's been SO LONG and I know like NOTHING about this guy beyond the fact that he works/controls the pawn shop a block from my office... HELP!

And while I was at BJ's today - I got into it with Dottie b/c Cupcake's trying to have a birthday party at her house but Dottie is DEMANDING that Cupcake spends some/most/all of her birthday at her house. So they're fighting on the phone and then she hands it to me. And I in turn - get into it with my mother. Stupid fucking bitch starts telling me about she's divorcing our father but not us - I called her on THAT bullshit, then she goes on about how one day I'm going to really regret how I've been behaving and I'm going to want to come back. It was just SO FUCKING insane and just further proves why I'm better off without her around. I don't know - I just know that I HATE that "woman" SO FUCKING much that it's not even funny! But sometimes it's just upsetting not having a "mother" to turn to. It's kind of hard always having it be my dad that I turn to. Because you know, there are just sometimes that a girl wants her mother. It'd be one thing if the bitch was dead and that's why I can't turn to her - but she's not, but I honestly wish she was. I know there are things that I'm missing out on because she doesn't want to play fair. I've in the past "adopted" some of my friends mom's but once the friendship ends - so does the adopted mom. It just hurts to know that whenever and if ever I actually get to go pick out a wedding dress - I won't have my mom there with me. Granted - a BIG part of me will just be GLOATING that I'm going to make her miss out on that "rite of passage" but it still hurts... I know I've missed out on a lot of things growing up by having a "mother" that was so removed and disinterested in being a "mother". It's why I tend to joke about sometimes I'll say or do something and it'll be my inner straight male coming out. It's because my dad raised me. I could probably count the things that my mother actually taught/told me about - and it's not a long list...

I just don't know anymore, I hate feeling like I'm lost but I am. And I don't know how to find myself again (providing that I ever "had" myself)... But I guess my biggest worry right now needs to be focused on Monday - I'm taking the truck in to get inspected... UGH! I hope everyone's doing better then me and I'm sorry it's been a while...

My First Menage a Trois

Welcome back! I am purposely staying awake to put this out - just to make Nessa happy! I REALLY hope that it works because I might have mixed a .wav and .aud file together when I turned everything into a giant .mp3 - good LORD I'm going META on myself! HELP!!!!!!!!

Everything's been going okay, when compared to the "standards" or "norms" of other weeks. My dad really upset/scared me at lunch today - he seems to be losing what bit of function he had gotten back in his right arm. I was really frustrated because I had taken him to lunch (whodadunk I'd take HIM to lunch on my own dime?!) and it was really hard watching him trying to eat his fries and salad. It didn't help him that I was trying to hold his bowl steady - it was actually making him more nervous because he really doesn't like accepting help, especially since we were kinda public. But I couldn't not help him - he's my daddy for fuck's sake! But I really think the divorce paperwork is going to be FINALLY settled, so he can go downtown and get his pension and retirement benefits which will mean that he can get his medical insurance again.

But I hope that everyone is doing okay and I'm going to go upstairs and continue watching Parking Wars - I've learned A LOT from watching this show! Which made it even FUNNIER to me today when my dad told me that he got a parking ticket while he was at his lawyers office (apparently he parked on the other side of road? something about it was a two lane road but he parked facing the wrong direction of traffic - instead of parking on the right left - he went left) And he's made it harder b/c he lost the ticket in less then 30 minutes! So I have to figure THAT out and figure something out with Blockbuster, b/c he's being charged for not returning Hellboy, but apparently he returned the box with a dvd in it - but it was a porno not Hellboy... SO that'll be F-U-N!!!

Love you!

~Princess Honah

Anastasia_Beaverhausen@comcast.net