Saturday, February 14, 2009

Only I would...


...try to figure out how to fix my taxes at 2am when I have migraine from throwing up this morning (proof why I could NEVER be bulimic - I can't STAND puking - I do it like once every year or so), not getting as much sleep as I should, I put my contacts in and realized the one had a small piece "cut out" of it so it bothered me ALL day, a bunch of other random shit and so in my mind - yeah - this seems like a GREAT TIME to try to fix them! Doesn't help matters that I have three different forms from the mortgage companies that are driving me BONKERS! I started the year with one company, then got "sold" to another company under the same umbrella main corporation, and then I refinanced the mortgage in July with the same company... And let's NOT get me started on trying to figure out how to report the lost wages I received from my Union when I had to take Leave Without Pay and then the Union paid me for it... I guess I'm going have to buckle down, print off the stupid forms and go into a local IRS office... Like THAT'S not going to take FOREVER!

Oh and let's not forget that "today" was effing Valentines Day! AUCK!!!!!

But on the upside - I went to my local pawn shop Friday night with Cupcake (was looking for a possible "new" phone for her) and while I was hitting on the one guy there, the other guys' son was there - hitting on Cupcake! The two of them exchange numbers, and "my guy" tells me to come back and see him tomorrow/today. So we go back today and he gives me his number (I also give him a small box of chocolates and a little stuffed dog) and tells me to call him. But I'm scared - it's been SO LONG and I know like NOTHING about this guy beyond the fact that he works/controls the pawn shop a block from my office... HELP!

And while I was at BJ's today - I got into it with Dottie b/c Cupcake's trying to have a birthday party at her house but Dottie is DEMANDING that Cupcake spends some/most/all of her birthday at her house. So they're fighting on the phone and then she hands it to me. And I in turn - get into it with my mother. Stupid fucking bitch starts telling me about she's divorcing our father but not us - I called her on THAT bullshit, then she goes on about how one day I'm going to really regret how I've been behaving and I'm going to want to come back. It was just SO FUCKING insane and just further proves why I'm better off without her around. I don't know - I just know that I HATE that "woman" SO FUCKING much that it's not even funny! But sometimes it's just upsetting not having a "mother" to turn to. It's kind of hard always having it be my dad that I turn to. Because you know, there are just sometimes that a girl wants her mother. It'd be one thing if the bitch was dead and that's why I can't turn to her - but she's not, but I honestly wish she was. I know there are things that I'm missing out on because she doesn't want to play fair. I've in the past "adopted" some of my friends mom's but once the friendship ends - so does the adopted mom. It just hurts to know that whenever and if ever I actually get to go pick out a wedding dress - I won't have my mom there with me. Granted - a BIG part of me will just be GLOATING that I'm going to make her miss out on that "rite of passage" but it still hurts... I know I've missed out on a lot of things growing up by having a "mother" that was so removed and disinterested in being a "mother". It's why I tend to joke about sometimes I'll say or do something and it'll be my inner straight male coming out. It's because my dad raised me. I could probably count the things that my mother actually taught/told me about - and it's not a long list...

I just don't know anymore, I hate feeling like I'm lost but I am. And I don't know how to find myself again (providing that I ever "had" myself)... But I guess my biggest worry right now needs to be focused on Monday - I'm taking the truck in to get inspected... UGH! I hope everyone's doing better then me and I'm sorry it's been a while...

1 comment:

Taylor The Latte Boy said...

Hey PH

Just wanted to let you know that I added you as a link on our blog. I realized you sent me a request a while ago on gmail, and I didn't want you to think I forgot about you!

Have a great day!

TtLB